What About Me
by nikkibabe
Summary: Set 6 years in the future Buffy & Spike are making a go of it. Until things from the past rise again. Set after Seeing Red, goes AU from there. FINISHED!!
1. Default Chapter

God Fathers DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, wish I did but Joss and the guys at ME own it all.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This fic is set six years in the future, but starts after 'Seeing Red', Spike never got his soul back, Tara never died and Williow never went mad.  
  
Please if you like review, I have the basic idea's but am unsure of where I want the plot to go. If you don't like then review as well, it may help me. Thanks and Enjoy.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
SUNNYDALE 2002  
  
Willow crept down stairs, if anyone knew what she was doing they would freak. After that whole 'Joan the Vampire Slayer' thing they would really not like her plan.  
  
Xander had told her what has happened between Spike and Buffy in the bathroom, he was so mad he would have staked Spike right then and there if he could have. Willow was angry too, she had kind of trusted Spike.  
  
It was easy to forget what Spike was, he had in some way helped them all at one time, when he had hit Tara to prove to everyone she wasn't a demon that was special. He had known that before any of them could realize they may stake him but he risked it. Willow would never forget that.  
  
That was why she was in the yard at Revello drive setting up a mind altering spell. Even though the magical things in her life had been taken away she had still managed to study, on the web, sneak a peep at the magic box. She knew it could be done and that she could do it right.  
  
She would make everyone forget what happened in the bathroom, she was going to make sure Spike had a second chance. Why she felt the need to do this she couldn't explain. Break Tara's trust by using the magiks again, she shouldn't but she had to.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
SUNNYDALE AIRPORT 2002  
  
"What the bloody hell" Spike said as he woke with a start.  
  
Then it came to him where he was, but the reason why he was there got away from him. He could remember wanting to get the hell out of good ol' Sunnyhell, but why he couldn't remember.  
  
He stood up looked around to see it was only midnight, couldn't have been asleep long he thought to himself.  
  
"Stupid fool probably got drunk and decided it was time for a beach holiday." He muttered to himself as he made his way out of the airport building and over to his bike.  
  
As he started the engine he wondered what the hell had happened to him, then it hit him, Buffy.  
  
God he missed ever since they split up he had missed her. 'Probably drunk and wanting to get the hell away from her.' He thought to himself as he headed back to his crypt. 'Stupid bint, god I wish I hated her.'  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
SUNNYDALE 2008  
  
Dawn padded through the living room in her sisters house, she felt espically grumpy today. And Buffy was being no help, why couldn't her sister just understand for once.  
  
"Buffy where's the foot rest I really need to take the weight off my feet." Dawn shouted through to the kitchen.  
  
Buffy sighed when she heard her sister call, god she could wait for her to just have the baby so that she would stop being so annoying, it was like she was fifeteen again.  
  
"Dawn you know where it is, but I'll come get it for as that is what you really want."  
  
Dawn smiled to her self, being pregnant had so many advantages. Buffy came into the room to find Dawn sprawled on the sofa, she looked pretty all big and glowing.  
  
"So sis have you decided about godparents yet?" Buffy asked as she dragged the foot stool over to the sofa.  
  
"Well we know he's a boy so that's one god mother and two godfathers. I was gonna say you, but your already gonna be the aunty so I thought Tara. I just hope that Willow won't be mad and I already know that Anya won't really care. God fathers are becoming a bit of an issue." Dawn explained as Buffy listened to her sisters reasoning.  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Well there's Xander, and he would be great. And there's Giles and he would be amazing and he hasn't got any kids of his own. But then there's Spike and he would be the best."  
  
Buffy spat out her coffee and Dawn said Spike's name, "Yeah can just see Spike as a godfather, in a church with all the crosses and near the old holy water."  
  
Dawn knew that Buffy was right but it was so important to her that Spike was a major part of the baby's life.  
  
"You're just saying that because you don't want to see how brilliant he'll be with the baby. Because you still love him." Dawn stated matter of factly.  
  
"That is so not true, I never loved him." Buffy stated her standard response.  
  
"Why do always forget that night we got drunk and you admitted that you loved him?" Dawn asked watching her sister squirm.  
  
"I did not and it's Spike."  
  
"Did I hear my name." Spike said with a wicked grin as he made his way into Buffy's house.  
  
'Great' she thought, 'just what I need that handsome vampire coming in and making me miss him.'  
  
As if he'd read her thoughts Spike looked at her and said, "Still want to kiss me after all these years Summers?" With that he took her coffee off her and started to drink it. He flashed her his usual grin knowing it would get him off the hook.  
  
'God I do still love him' Buffy thought.  
  
TBC..... 


	2. Making You Happier

Making You Happier CHAPTER TWO  
  
Dawn had gone home to Jordan not long after Spike had arrived, she wanted to let Spike and her sister be alone. Not that it ever changed anything. Six years ago they had something going on but it had all ended and they still hadn't got back together.  
  
Dawn knew that they both wanted each other, niether of them had been with any one else. No matter how many times Dru had come back, Spike always told her to get lost. Well until last time when Buffy staked the mad cow.  
  
Picking up the phone Dawn called Tara to see if she had anymore news.  
  
"Hey Tara it's me I was just wondering if you could sense when the whole admitting love thing was gonna happen?" Dawn greeted her friend.  
  
"Well Dawnie, the feelings have been getting stronger lately. I'd say it's connected with the baby. I think that's going to bring them together."  
  
"Cool, well do you wanna come over there's something else I want to talk to you about?" Dawn asked slowly rubbing her tummy.  
  
Tara agreed and hung up the phone, Dawn was so happy to have Tara in her life. Not to mention her 'feelings' were comforting. Tara had told Dawn about three months ago that she knew Buffy and Spike would get back together. So ever since Dawn had been trying to make it happen.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
"Spike why are you still here?" Buffy shouted up from the basement.  
  
"You want me to leave?" He answered.  
  
"No but you came to see Dawn, who doesn't even live here I might add and now she's gone but you are still here." She stated.  
  
Spike made his way down into the basement to find Buffy folding bedding up. She looked so pretty standing there doing any old job, but then to Spike she always looked pretty.  
  
"Why are you staring at me?" Buffy asked as she felt his eyes burn into the back of her neck.  
  
"Just watching what a mess you were making of that Slayer." He grinned, his trade mark grin.  
  
"Oh I got it, Spike was bored so he thought he would come by here and annoy the hell out of me."  
  
She looked over at Spike who looked hurt for a moment, but the pout was soon replaced with a smirk. It was true he did love annoying her, kind of a hobby. He walked over to her grabbed her waist and kissed her. Buffy looked up at him in shock.  
  
"What the hell?" were the only words she could force out.  
  
He didn't answer her, he could only look at her cute little face filled with rage and confusion.  
  
"Spike I thought we agreed at Thanksgiving that you should really stop kissing me, you are only making it harder on yourself."  
  
"No Buffy you told me that I had to stop kissing you, so I did because I wanted to make you happy. But I've been thinking about it and I know how much you enjoy my kisses so I decided to make you even happier." He told her, she knew that he had planned this all along. But yet she could find enough anger to punch him.  
  
Strange.  
  
"So you want to go on a date?" He continued  
  
Buffy looked at him, what the hell was that mad vampire on this time? As if she was going to go on a date with him. When would he give this up.  
  
"Spike just go. You are so not funny anymore. Now leave before I slip with a stake." Buffy said as she made her way up the stairs back into the kitchen.  
  
"As if you would stake your favorite member of the undead, I'm too cute for that." He said flashing her a smirk as he left by the back door.  
  
God sometimes he was so sexy.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Spike had left about an hour ago, he had left Buffy totally confused. Why did he have to be one of those guys who can send your resolve down the drain with one smile?  
  
Buffy had the cordless phone in her hand, staring at Spike's number on speed dial. She kind of wanted to phone him and tell him she'd love to go on a date with him. She couldn't, they had split for a reason and now matter what he did they could not be together. God damn it that was six years ago and he still wouldn't give up, always there telling her he love her and that they should give it another go.  
  
Buffy feel asleep thinking about Spike and Thanksgiving. Still holding the phone, she would call him, maybe.  
  
TBC.......... 


	3. Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hope that the story isn't moving too slow for everyone. Have got down what is going to happen. But please review as I have no idea if anyone likes my fic. Enjoy.  
  
CHAPTER THREE  
  
Xander was so mad, he had just been on the phone to Dawn who had told him about Spike asking Buffy out on a date.  
  
Buffy had been hurt so badly by Spike, hell even he had. The one night stand between Spike had Anya had hurt him and Buffy a lot. Thankfully he and Anya had seen past it, got on with their lives. But now Spike had the nerve to bring up the past and let old wounds be reopened.  
  
He paced the flat deciding on who to call first, he wanted to talk to Buffy make sure she was ok, but at the same time he wanted to go stake Spike. Holding the phone out infront of him he opted for Buffy he could deal with Spike later.  
  
"Hey Buff, just thought you might want to talk." Xander said when he heard Buffy's voice.  
  
"Let me guess my lovely little wanna be cupid sister just called to tell you about Spike?"  
  
"Well she may have said something, anyway are you ok? Spike has a nerve god he's gonna be even more dead than he already is when I get hold of him."  
  
"Xander calm down, god he asked me out that's all, and he may have been joking. I don't see what the issue is, you and Spike are sort of friends now. You go drink together so why are you so angry?" Buffy puzzled.  
  
"I know but this it's not fair on us Buff. It's like I'm only his friend on the understanding he leaves all of my girls alone."  
  
"If you want I'll come over and we'll talk. K?"  
  
With that they agreed that Buffy would come over, maybe she could calm him down before Anya got in from work.  
  
Buffy grabbed her coat and headed outside to her car, Spike always had a knack of turning things upside down.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike paced up and down, had he blown it. After Buffy had seen him having sex with Anya he had decided to leave it let her cool off. He had never really tried this approach before but he had read in Cosmo that woman need cooling off time.  
  
Well here he was six years down the bloody line and only just making a move. Yeah he'd kissed her a few times in that time but never made any attempt to get her back. It offten occured to him that he had waited too long.  
  
"You bloody fool, she'll probably be round here with a stake soon." He shouted to nobody but himself. "Yeah bints probably sharpening up Mr. bloody Pointy right now."  
  
He lay on his bed and thought back to how wonderful Thanksgiving had been until he had thrown a spanner in the works.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
THANKSGIVING 2007  
  
"Ok I think maybe we should give up on dessert after that I can't eat anything. What about you guys?" Dawn asked, the group only just managed to nod back.  
  
"Drinks we need drinks, I'll just go make some." Buffy said trying to push herself up from the table. She walked out into the kitchen.  
  
Spike thought that this would be a good time to try his luck, never know with the Slayer being all happy and thankful he might have a better chance.  
  
"Spike I know your there, can't hide from my spidey senses." she giggled.  
  
"I know pet, I wasn't trying to, just came to make sure you gave me a proper drink not bloody wine." He said as he reached over her to grab the vodka she kept in the house just for him. Smirking at her the whole time, giving her the Spike charm.  
  
He looked down to see her gazing up at him, their eyes caught. Both of them had a thousand things flashing in their minds. For a second none of it mattered, he bent his face down and took her lips. He kissed her with all the love in the world. Then for a split second she kissed him back.  
  
"Buffy" Dawn shouted from the dining room.  
  
Buffy pushed Spike away, she felt lost, she felt like she was back in the ruins of the building after their first night together.  
  
"That was nothing Spike, I'm sorry to get your hopes up but it was nothing. Let's not speak of it again." She said in an tone filled with authority.  
  
He nodded, she needed more cooling off time.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
SUNNYDALE 2008  
  
Spike woke with thoughts of Thanksgiving filling his head. He hated to dream of that more than anything else because it had happened and he had done nothing about it. He had let her slip away.  
  
As he became more aware that he was awake he heard what had woken him, it was the god damn cell phone Dawn had bought him for Christmas. He hated it but it made her feel safe so he used it.  
  
"Hello." he answered.  
  
"Spike it's me Buffy, you have to get to the hospital now."  
  
TBC........ 


	4. William Andrew Morris

William Andrew Morris CHAPTER FOUR  
  
Buffy was tapping her fingers on the arm of her chair in the hospital waiting room. Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara were there, Spike was not.  
  
"Where the hell is he?" Buffy shouted in frustration, no body had to ask who she was talking about.  
  
"I-I'm sure he'll be here soon." Tara offered.  
  
"Well I want him here now." Buffy pouted like a small child.  
  
As if on cue Spike came flying threw the doors to the maternity ward, five faces just stared at him.  
  
"Where's the fire Spike?" Xander mocked when Spike realized he hadn't missed anything.  
  
"Well I thought child birth was meant to be quick these days?" Spike asked truely believing his words. His friends just laughed at him.  
  
"Ok then I haven't missed anything, is Dawn ok?"  
  
Buffy smiled at him, it was these times she saw the humanity in him. When he was worried about Dawn, that was when Spike showed how much he had changed.  
  
"Dawn is fine, we've got a while yet. Just like a mini Dawn to be slow." Buffy told him softly, her eyes filled with affection.  
  
"Ok." was all Spike could manage in answer.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
FIVE HOURS LATER  
  
Spike leant against a wall outside the hospital building, dragging on his cigarette. He was worried for Dawn, he knew that babies could take a while but he couldn't help thinking back to Victorian child birth.  
  
"You ok? You've been hiding out here most of the night." Buffy said as she approached the brooding vampire.  
  
"I'm fine really."  
  
"No don't give me that mister, I know when your upset you get all broody."  
  
"I sodding well don't." Spike sighed and chnged his defensive tone, "I'm worried what if something happens to the Nibblet I can't help her with this and I'm worried."  
  
Buffy felt like laughing, Spike was so dramatic sometimes.  
  
"She's fine, I just spoke to the nurse they think I'll be another three hours or so. You've read the books you should now how safe it is now."  
  
Buffy noticed Spike looked embarrassed, "How did you know I'd read those books?" He asked meekly.  
  
"Spike you stole them from me, and you forget I know everything." Buffy stated plainly, they both laughed. They felt comfortable together, this was how it should always be.  
  
"Spike you wanna a hug?" Buffy muttered.  
  
"No thanks love."  
  
They made there way back inside.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
FOUR AND HALF HOURS LATER  
  
"Ms Summers you can go in and see your sister now, I think she has someone to introduce to you." The nurse said smiling, "You can all go in as long as you don't over crowd." She added noticing the eager looks on the gangs faces.  
  
Buffy, Spike, Xander, Anya, Williow and Tara made there way into Dawn's hospital room. The first thing they saw was the tiny person who was the latest addition to the Scoobie gang, it made them all want to cry.  
  
"Dawnie, he's so beautiful and so little." Buffy forced out trying not to cry all over her new nephew.  
  
"Yeah he'd so cute, just like his auty Anya." Anya added smiling insanely.  
  
"Done a good job there Nibblet, what ya calling him then?" Spike asked him self pushing the tears away.  
  
Dawn looked at her baby and then looked back up at the gang, "William Andrew Morris."  
  
Spike stared at her in amazement, he knew that this little bit was named after him and it made him so proud. He barely even noticed the way Buffy was looking at him. She reached up and kissed him on the cheek, he didn't move he just looked at Dawn and baby William.  
  
TBC....... 


	5. Just Like Thanksgiving

Just Like Thanksgiving  
  
CHAPTER FIVE  
  
The whole gang were still at the hospital, the nurse had told them a number of times that they should go home and they couldn't see Dawn again that night because she was worn out. It was 4 am now and they started thinking about making a move.  
  
"M-maybe we s-should go Dawnie needs her rest." Tara offered as she noticed her friends starting to nod off.  
  
"Yeah your right, Spike can you drive me? I'll leave my car here I'm far to sleepy to drive." Buffy asked forcing her eyelids open.  
  
"You slay all night but you can't handle sitting and waiting." Spike raised an eyebrow.  
  
"This is all exciting, I'm an aunty." Buffy said pulling Spike out of his chair, he was the only one who was still wide awake. He tried to pass it off as being a vamp but Buffy knew it was down to her nephews name.  
  
They all made there way towards the car lot, Tara noticed that Buffy and Spike were getting very close and smiled to herself, tonight maybe.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike's black DeSoto was parked up out side the house on Revello Drive, he didn't feel like going home, he wouldn't sleep but he didn't fancy seeing Buffy's reaction when he tried to invite himself in. He looked across at her, she looked almost as worn out as Dawn.  
  
He tapped her lightly on the shoulder, "Come on pet your at home."  
  
Buffy looked round confused, "Oh ok right better go in then."  
  
Spike lent across her and opened the car door for her, flashing her a good bye smile.  
  
"Spike you wanna come in for a bit?"  
  
He looked up at the sky, it would be light soon he'd be stuck.  
  
"Pet if I come in now I can't leave til tonight."  
  
"You know you could your always running about in the day, a stupid hobby if you ask me but it doesn't matter, stay all day. Then you can drive me to the hospital tonight."  
  
Buffy was asking him in to stay all day, this was too good. She wanted him there how could he say no.  
  
"Ok love I'll stay but you have to promise to rest."  
  
Buffy nodded her head as she got out of the car and made her was up the path.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
"There should be some blood in the fridge Spike if you're hungry." Buffy shouted from the sofa where she was spread out.  
  
"So your keeping my food in the house now, must be love." He joked.  
  
"It's just I now how much you like having breakfast here and well even when we were arch enemies I wouldn't have forced you to eat my food."  
  
Spike laughed, this was the Buffy he loved, the fun joking Buffy. It had taken a long time but she was over her death now, he liked it better that way.  
  
Pulling the mug out of the microwave he headed for the living room, only to find that Buffy had given in to sleep. He pulled the rug from the back of chair and placed it over her.  
  
She looked so beautiful, lying there bathing in her happiness. He wished that she was in bed with him there aswell holding her.  
  
Spike bent over and kissed her forehead, "I still love you Buffy." He whispered as he went back to the kitchen for some cookies.  
  
Buffy's eyes fluttered open, "I know." He didn't hear her.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Buffy woke to the sound of the TV blarring, 'For someone with enhanced hearing he sure has that thing loud.' She thought as she woke.  
  
Spike was sat legs spead across the arms of the chair fast asleep, 'Mmm sexy' flashed through her head. She wondered how long he'd been sleeping, she was bored and she really wanted to talk to someone.  
  
"Spike, wake up."  
  
No answer.  
  
"Spike wake up." She shouted throwing a cushion at him.  
  
It worked he jumped from his seat, "Bloody hell Slayer."  
  
Buffy knew he was a little mad he only called her Slayer when he was mad, "Sorry I thought you'd want to be awake."  
  
Spike looked at her, why the hell would he want to be awake? That woman had some funny ideas sometimes.  
  
"You mean you were bored and wanted me up?" He asked  
  
Buffy smiled Spike knew her too well to try and pretend otherwise, "Kinda."  
  
"Ok I'm up so then what do you wanna do pet." His face softened as he said it, Buffy knew he wasn't really mad at her, he never could stay mad for very long, not at her anyway.  
  
"Well I'm gonna make some hot chocolate, you want? And yes I have little marshmellows."  
  
Spike nodded smiling like a child getting their favourite treat, Buffy thought that he looked adorable.  
  
"So you like the name Dawn decided on then?" Buffy asked.  
  
Spike grinned even more, Danw was always so nice to him but that had been the best thing anyone had every done. Buffy leant over and pulled at his cheek, "Oh your so cute sometimes." She giggled.  
  
Buffy was trying to reach the tub of chocolate powder on the top self with out much luck, Spike thought about just watching her struggle but decided against it. He leaned over the top of her and grabbed the tub, the sooner she had it down the sooner he'd get his hot chocolate.  
  
Buffy turned to face him, 'Just like Thanksgiving' she thought. She looked up at his deep blue eyes and saw all the love he still held for her, without thinking she kissed him.  
  
'Bloody hell she'd kissing me. Buffy kissing me' He thought as he held her closer to himself.  
  
'What the hell are you doing Buffy'  
  
TBC...... 


	6. To Be A Friend

To Be A Friend  
  
Buffy pulled herself away from his lips, kissing him was so nice but she couldn't, she shouldn't. Spike was looking at her joy filling his features, this was the moment he had waited for.  
  
When they had their little fling he loved it, but he knew, deep down he knew that her ending it was the only thing that gave them a chance for the future. He had tried to make her love him, it hadn't worked, only time would give them a chance.  
  
Buffy fumbled with her shirt, "Spike I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that."  
  
She watched the pain come into his eyes, why was she doing this again. The pain suddenly turned to anger, "So we're back to that are we."  
  
Buffy knew what he was talking about but she really didn't want to get into it, "Leave it Spike we're friends and that's it."  
  
"Sorry love but that's not it. I love you. There I said it I've been holding it back for six bloody years and now I've said it again. You kiss me and then you want me to forget. I always told you I'd stick around and I have," He stoppped for an breath that wasn't needed, "I have stayed to be a friend, your firends are now my friend they have come to accept me. There's nothing holding us back. Just please tell me what you feel for me."  
  
Buffy was taken back, that little rant had seemed to come out of nowhere but she could tell he had been thinking it from the night she left him.  
  
"I er Spike, you. God I don't know." She left the the kitchen, Spike followed.  
  
She felt his arm spin her around. He said nothing he just looked right into her eyes.  
  
"So then Buffy Summers you want to go on a date with me?" Spike asked hoping that she wouldn't laugh at him. He could see her thinking about it. Thinking about every possible concesquence of her saying yes.  
  
"Ok one date, but remember I go on dates all the time and never want to bother with the guy again."  
  
Spike was so tempted to say that it was only because no-one could compare to him but he thought better of it, she only slap him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike was on cloud nine, he had been waiting all day to go and see the Nibblet and little Will and now he was there. Dawn knew straight away when she saw them that something had happened.  
  
"Well then are you going to tell me what's happened to make you all smilely then?" Dawn asked eyeing her favourite big brother.  
  
"Nope" Spike answered, his mood was so good that he felt like he should annoy someone.  
  
"Please Spike." She pouted the same pout that Buffy always used to get her own way with him.  
  
"Fine but don't go blabbing, I'm taking Buffy on a date."  
  
Dawn let out a shriek, the baby in her arms started to cry at the sound of his mothers joy.  
  
Spike instictively took the baby from her and rocked the little bundle in his arms as he paced the room. Dawn noticed how great he looked with the baby, all the love he felt for William already.  
  
Dawn also noticed her sister stood at the door spying through the window. Buffy was gazing at Spike, she knew that it didn't matter how the date went they would be together. All the love in Buffy's eyes watching Spike rock her nephew in his arms cooing gently. With or without a soul, Spike was one hell of a man.  
  
Buffy pushed the door to the room, she hadn't wanted to disturb the scene before her but she couldn't wait to get a hold for herself.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Buffy made her way out of the room, Spike had left about half an hour ago wanting to give the sisters some time alone.  
  
"Hey I thought you'd gone home?" She asked finding Spike sat outside Dawn's room.  
  
"I thought that I should make sure you were ok to drive." Trying to hide the fact that he was pained to leave her.  
  
"Yeah I'm fine that sleep before did me the world of good." She told him, "But thanks for offering." She added tring not to hurt his feeling, which she knew when it came to her could be easily damaged.  
  
"Ok night pet." Spike said making his way out of the doors.  
  
"Er Spike, how's tomorrow for you, say 8 o'clock?" Buffy asked coyly.  
  
Spike grinned, she hadn't just said yes to shut him up, she wanted to go, "I'll pick you up love. Goodnight."  
  
With that he went off into the night, leather duster blowing in the wind and Buffy got caught up in her thoughts of how sexy he really was.  
  
TBC...... 


	7. My First Date

My First Date AUTHOR'S NOTES: In response to feedback I would like to tell you all the Dawn is married to Jordan who is baby Williams father, or at least I hope he is! And as for Willow keep reading and you will find out. Thanks for the feed back it really helps.  
  
CHAPTER SEVEN  
  
Buffy was worried, for the first time in a lot of years she was worried. She looked at herself in the mirror, her hair was down and hung round her face, she wore tight blue jeans and a black halter top. She looked good, yeah she did, 'Or like a slut maybe.'  
  
"I've been on dates before, why is this so scary?"  
  
She was pacing, thoughts filled her head, what if he didn't come, what if his idea of a date was watching Passions in his crypt.  
  
There was a knock at the door, 'Who the hell is that?' She flund the door open face filled with rage she really didn't have time for this. Infront of her was Spike he was a little taken back by her expression.  
  
"Sorry love has something happened?" He asked worried that she hated him and was going to call the whole thing off.  
  
"Hey, I didn't think it would be you. I mean since when did you knock." She smiled feeling like an idiot.  
  
"Since I'm taking the most beautiful girl in Sunnydale out on a date. Can't just barge in now can I pet." He said handing her a massive bunch of flowers that had definatly had not been stolen from a grave.  
  
Buffy blushed, Spike was such a charmer when he wanted to be, she took the flowers into the kitchen and grabbed her fitted leather jacket.  
  
"So then where are you talking me?" She inquired and they left the house.  
  
"Thought a movie would be good, I wanted to take you to eat but I hate food places so I thought we could get take out." This was his sly attempt to be invited into her house.  
  
Buffy smiled knowing that he was hinting at getting an invite for the night, "Sure."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They had just come out of the theater when Spike started to panic, should he hold her hand. They were on a date, but with Buffy none of the standard rules apply.  
  
'You bloody nancy boy just hold her soddin hand' he thought.  
  
Like a shy teenager Spike fumbled to get her hand, he felt so stupid, then to make matters worse Buffy started to laugh. He pulled his hand back.  
  
"What's so funny?" He asked almost sounding like a spoiled child.  
  
"Well I was just thinking, Spike have you ever been on a date before?"  
  
"No." He muttered hoping she would hear him, 'Fine I'm the dating Rookie, what can I say dates weren't all the rage in Victorian England.' He felt like shouting to stop her mocking.  
  
"Good then that makes me the boss as I have more experience, now give me your hand." Buffy ordered in a sexy playful way.  
  
Spike let a big smile cross his face, a true smile not his normal grin, "I knew there was a reason I loved you Summers."  
  
Buffy let her issues with the 'L' word rest, she was happy, very happy infact, now wasn't the time to start an arguement. They were now near her home and she had to decide if she wanted Spike with her until tomorrow night, because he would be if she invited him in.  
  
It was a big step to take, but some how it felt ok. She just really did not want to let Spike down again, but to be happy she had to take a chance.  
  
"So we gonna order pizza then?" She asked.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"So I'm like get the hell out of my way, you don't just cut in front of Buffy Summers."  
  
They were both falling about laughing now, sat on the living room floor surrounded by disguarded pizza boxes.  
  
"That's my girl." Spike said in between laughing.  
  
"Hey I am so not your girl."  
  
"Well you now what I meant." Spike kicked himself, this had been going so well and he had to open his mouth.  
  
"You know I'm not gonna put out on a first date don't you." Buffy said smashing his thoughts, but he could see it in her eyes she was playing.  
  
"Damn I wouldn't have bothered if I had known that."  
  
Buffy was on all fours now, crawling closer to him like a sleek cat, she kissed him and pushed him on to the the floor.  
  
'God she is amazing' were the only thoughts Spike could manage.  
  
He broke from the kiss and looked in to her big smoldering eyes before rolling on top of her, "You know this dating stuff isn't for us. Who are we kidding. I love you Buffy, I'm yours and your mine. I want to be this way with you forever."  
  
She should have been confused, but she wasn't for the first time in her life things felt totally clear, she knew what it was she should do.  
  
"I know what you mean, I am yours, I can't fight it and I don't want to anymore. This is us, how we should be." She cooed softly to him.  
  
He picked her up if his arrms and headed for the stairs, he looked down at the perfect woman in his arms and she grinned, "I love you Spike but that doesn't mean you don't have to take me places."  
  
He walked into her bedroom and kicked the door closed behind them.  
  
TBC...... 


	8. Baby Shower

Baby Shower  
  
CHAPTER EIGHT  
  
Spike hated this feeling, the waiting. For years he had enjoyed being a vampire, now was one of those times he hated it.  
  
"Bloody hell Red where are you?" He said as soon as she answered her phone.  
  
"Hello Spike, nice to talk to you too, I'm round the corner." Willow hung up.  
  
Spike had wanted to go get something for William, but Buffy had told him that he wouldn't find much in the twenty four hour supermarket. He'd sent Willow to the mall.  
  
The sunlight lit up his crypt as Willow pushed the door back, her arms heavy with shopping bags, "Hey I got everything." She reasured him noting his worried face.  
  
"Thanks Red I'd love to do it my self but do you know how hard it is to get to the mall in summer?" He smiled lighting a smoke.  
  
Willow handed the bags to him and he studied the articles carefully, then smiled back at her before reaching into his pocket, "That should cover it." He handed a wad of notes to the witch.  
  
Her eyes widened as she quickly counted the cash, "Spike there is over $200 here. I think the stuff was like $150." She frantically pushed the money back at him.  
  
"Yeah so, keep the change. I want you to have a good night with Tara or something." Willow knew that he wasn't going to take no for an answer so she pushed the notes into the pocket of her jeans.  
  
She made her way to the door then she stopped and turned back to Spike, "This money better not be hot Spike."  
  
He didn't take offense, in a way it kind of pleased him, 'at least Red still thinks I'm bad.' He thought to himself as she pulled the door closed behind her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"So you stayed the night? I so knew it." Dawn asked after Spike had given her details of the date he'd had with Buffy.  
  
"You knew it huh? When I didn't even know it. But yes I did spend the night."  
  
Dawn laughed, this was all going so good. Then she looked thoughtful for a moment.  
  
"So if you stayed the night how come you here now and not still making with the smoochies?"  
  
Spike smiled at her, "I had things to do bit."  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you Spike I'm not little bit anymore, but anyway what's more important that than Buffy."  
  
"You that's what and my favourite little boy in the whole world." Spike looked down at the baby in his arms, his eyes filled with nothing but love. He handed William to Jordan and reached for bag he'd left under the bed.  
  
He started to pull all sorts of things out of the bag, a teddy bear, a rattle, a smow suit, a mini football, a baseball cap, a blue track suit, a baby grow saying 'I love Daddy' (which Jordan liked the most) and a little leather jacket.  
  
"Spike what did you do? This is too much, why?" Dawn asked now feeling rather emotional at the vampires gifts.  
  
"Hey you should have known that this little guy was going to get spoiled by me. But William also asked me to pick something up for him." Spike said handing Dawn a small red box.  
  
She let out a gasp as she looked inside, 'William' had bought her a gold braclet with 'mommy' inscribed inside.  
  
"And still you spoil me. Thankyou." Was all she could say.  
  
Spike left the maternity ward feeling so happy. To see Dawn and Jordan's face when he showered them in presents for their son. He wanted to shower Buffy in presents but he knew only to well her temper, she would not like it.  
  
It did get him thinking, he could make them all pretty happy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Spike with all respect do you think this is wise?" The man on the other end of the phone said.  
  
"Why should you to question me?" Spike answered.  
  
"No sir. But you did tell me that you did not want your friends to find out. And this may lead to them discovering everything."  
  
"Not likely, do you think I'm bloody well thick? Just do as ordered, right?"  
  
"Yes I'll do it now."  
  
TBC.......... 


	9. Spiderman & The Enigma

Spiderman And The Enigma  
  
CHAPTER NINE  
  
Spike was sat at the table in the Summers dining room, he had sort of become a fixture in the house. After the date went so well he spent a lot of time there, Buffy had been a bit worried at first but then when he spent a whole day and night at the crypt she realized she missed him.  
  
"What the shaggin' hells wrong with this thing?" Spike shouted as he turned away from the laptop computer infront of him.  
  
Buffy had known that Spike and computers wouldn't mix well but he had made his mind up, he wanted one and that was it. He didn't know how to work it and he wouldn't let Willow help him, so he just sat there shouting at the thing.  
  
"Honey why don't you leave it for now your only getting angry with yourself." Buffy said as she put her hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him.  
  
"I am not getting angry with my self it is this stupid machine, it's broken." He pouted like a child.  
  
Buffy looked over at Spike's new toy, it didn't look broken. Her mom had found it hard to use computers at first and Giles still hated the things so maybe Spike being over a hundred and British was the problem.  
  
"What are you doing anyway?" She asked noticing that Spike was on The Gap website.  
  
"Well in the summer months I find it hard to get to the mall so I thought that I could try that online shopping thing, Anya knows about it she's got a site for the Magic Box."  
  
"You do know that you need a credit card don't you?"  
  
Spike pulled a small plastic card from his pocket and handed to Buffy, her face instantly weary.  
  
"Mr William Evans, oh my god Spike you didn't steal it, how come you've got a credit card." Buffy asked as Spike pulled the card from her hand. He stalked out of the room, Buffy following close behind.  
  
"I need it for business." Was the only answer he would give.  
  
Buffy's mind started to tick, Spike on business in the past that had never been good. But this must be real business what with the credit card and all. She would go ask Dawn, those two were always partners in crime, crime normally being the correct word, she would know what Spike was up to.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
That night Spike had gone back to his crypt, leaving Buffy alone with his laptop. She had called Dawn but had no luck, Dawn didn't know what was going on apart from that the laptop had cost over $1000.  
  
Buffy started it up and connected to the internet, over the years she had gotten quite good with computers, she could find out what the vampire was up to. And if not she could get Willow to hack into the credit card company for Spike's bill.  
  
As soon as she saw the history she started to laugh, of course there were a few porn sites but the majority were clothes shops and even a few comic book dealers.  
  
"So Spike is a cross dressing comic book geek." She giggled to herself as she uploaded the pages.  
  
She spent a couple of hours browsing the pages for clues, but she still didn't have a clue what was going on. When she looked at the fashion sites she thought that maybe he had wanted to get her a present, but as if she would want a comic book. Who the hell did Spike know who would want a comic book?  
  
"Xander!" She shouted as her friend came up behind her.  
  
"Hey want ya doing Buff?" he asked as he saw the look of detection on her face.  
  
"Nothing just looking at Spike's laptop. Does this mean anything to you?" She said as she turned the screen toward Xander.  
  
His eyes widened, "Oh holy mother of God I say yes. It's a limited addition Spiderman number one." He gazed in awe at the screen.  
  
"Oh."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xander was hugging Spike when Buffy got home from work that night, which was unsettling to say the least.  
  
"Hey guys got some male bonding thing going on here?" She asked as she made her way into the room.  
  
The two man pulled themselfs apart, Xander had a comic book in his hand and was grinning like a child.  
  
"Buffy look what Spike bought me." Xander squeeled like a child.  
  
Buffy looked at the item in his hand, that Spiderman comic, what the hell was Spike up to, buying presents for Xander.  
  
"That's nice, and tell why did Spike get you this?" She said eyeing the vampire.  
  
"Because he never once bought me a birthday or Christmas present in all these years." Xander reeled off the explination Spike hand given him, not caring why but only that he had it.  
  
Buffy left the room, time to make dinner. Spike was an enigma, but she was sure that she would find out his plan soon enough, she just hoped it wasn't another one of his 'I'm gonna kill the slayer' plans. They never went well.  
  
TBC.......... 


	10. Physical & Emotional

Physical & Emotional CHAPTER TEN  
  
It had been a week since the whole Spiderman thing and things had just got even more confusing for Buffy, Spike had given them all presents.  
  
Well apart from her.  
  
Tonight they were going to see Dawn, Jordan and William have dinner and talk about how cute William was. Spike was bad for it, all he talked about was how cute William was and how clever, he'd fallen head over heels for the kid. Even more so than he had with Dawn.  
  
"Spike, you better not be habouring any gifts, Dawn told you no more." Buffy told Spike as she pushed in her gold earrings.  
  
"Fine they can wait, but I saw these cute little boots like mine and I had to buy them." Buffy gave him a look.  
  
"Why are you buying all this stuff? And not just for Will but for everyone?" She asked hoping this time he wouldn't just change the subject.  
  
"I haven't bought that much, anyway they deserve it. Last year Xander and Anya bought me a discman for Christmas and I got them nothing. And it makes me feel good, see totally selfish pet."  
  
He heard Buffy huff, he knew that all the presents were bothering her, she grumbled under her breath.  
  
"What was that?" He asked.  
  
"Well I bought you a DVD, and yet you haven't given me anything." Her voice louder and more urgent than before, "Bet you got Dru gifts." she quietly added so he wouldn't hear.  
  
Spike started to laugh and Buffy pouted, she was bothered because he hadn't bought her anything. Women you think you understand them, then bang they change the rules.  
  
"Want to know why I never got you anything?" He asked her. She just nodded like a child in a sulk.  
  
"Well I didn't want you to think that I was trying to buy you, didn't think you'd like that too much pet. But I did get you things, I just left at my crypt so when I thought you'd like them I could give them to you. Want me to go get them now love?" Spike explained, Buffy's pout suddenly turned into a big grin as she nodded her head in anticipation.  
  
Spike kissed her on the head and left the house.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It seemed like Spike was taking forever, Buffy sat at the dining table wondering what he'd got her. He really was the best boyfriend ever, bothering to consider how she would feel about being showered in gifts.  
  
Suddenly a phsyical pain shot through her head and what felt like an emotional pain shot through her heart.  
  
Images were flashing in her minds eye, images of things that had happened. She saw Spike beaten up in the alley by the police station, she saw demon eggs in his crypt. She saw him with his guest at Xander and Anya's first wedding.  
  
The emotion was to much, she was sobbing, She felt betrayed and hurt in a way that she never had been before, but yet it felt familiar.  
  
An image of her and Spike in the bathroom upstairs came to her, she never remembered that scene but she could feel her own fear.  
  
Buffy was shaking as she saw Spike grab her, she knew what he wanted to do. The emotional pain, it pounded through her body.  
  
An arm grabbed her and she was sreaming, then she realized that Spike was there asking her what was wrong.  
  
She looked into his eyes and saw nothing but love. She wanted to ask him, maybe he could explain what had just happened. Part of her feared it was a prophecy, but she knew it wasn't she wasn't the young girl she'd seen anymore.  
  
"Nothing, I just well I don't know but I'm fine. Come on we need to get to Dawn's"  
  
"What about your present love?" He held a bag out to her.  
  
"We'll do it later. Don't want to be late." She said trying to sound happy and excited, Spike saw right through it but thought it was best to leave it until later.  
  
Buffy grabbed her coat and headed for the door, she didn't wait for Spike. The feeling of fear and hurt still fresh in her.  
  
She looked at Spike, he would never do that to her and yet she had a slight nagging feeling inside, warning her. But at the same time a wave of relief and forgiveness washed over her.  
  
She didn't understand it and she couldn't shake it off. Spike drapped his arm over her shoulder as they left the house, she flinched. Something was very wrong and she was going to find out what.  
  
TBC....... 


	11. Hidden

Hidden  
  
CHAPTER ELEVEN  
  
Dinner at Dawn's had gone well, Spike knew that what ever had happened before was still playing on Buffy's mind but he knew that she didn't want to talk about it.  
  
He hadn't tried to talk to her on the way home, which made Buffy uncomfortable it was so unlike Spike. When they had gotten to her house she knew that Spike shouldn't stay the night.  
  
"I think I feel like some alone time tonight Spike. Don't mind do you?" She asked not wanting to freak him out.  
  
Yes he did mind, but this was Buffy he couldn't change her mind.  
  
"Fine." He said not wanting to add more knowing his own temper too well.  
  
"Don't be like that, I just want a bit of space tonight. Come over in the morning."  
  
She saw the anger flare in his eyes, she could see the Spike rant brewing.  
  
"That's fine pet. I love you and goodnight." He managed to push out, shocked at his own repression.  
  
With that he turned and stalked off down the street.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Once settled in her home Buffy turned the lights out in the lounge and sat cross legged. She needed to know what the hell those visions were about, and this was the first step.  
  
Giles had always told her that meditation could be very useful in unlocking all sorts of repressed images. If it didn't work she would go to Tara, but for now she didn't want the others involved.  
  
Breathing in and out at a steady pace she cleared her mind of eveything, concentrating only on her breathing. She felt her sub conscience take control of her, she let her self drift for a few minutes. It was peaceful and safe, almost made her forget why she was doing it.  
  
Focusing on the vision of her and Spike in the bathroom her emotions took over, she saw in her mind the whole scene.  
  
Spike had come to her when was taking a bath, he wanted to talk. Then same thing as always happened he had wanted to make her love him. An arguement erupted, there was shouting, he grabbed her, forced her down.  
  
Buffy's body was shaking now, she felt that fear she had felt, she knew this was real. She had never known fear like this, it wasn't phsyical.  
  
He was trying to force himself into her, she managed to get him off, hurt and betrayed she turned to him, she saw his disgust, he saw her disgust, she spoke with contemp. He fled.  
  
Buffy snapped out of the trance she had been in, it was real. She felt it, why she didn't remeber she didn't know but it had happened. She felt those feelings.  
  
She couldn't get up, she was so confused. Spike, her Spike had done that to her. But no rage filled her, she didn't feel the way she had done then. All she did was lie down and cry. Cry because now she knew the truth. It was all there hidden deep inside her, just like the love she felt for him had been hidden for years.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At some point the crying had stopped and Buffy had slipped into sleep. In her dreams she replayed the bathroom attack over and over. Not only that but every fight they had ever had.  
  
She started to sob in her sleep and it woke her.  
  
"Why? Why, how could that have happened?" she screamed, her voice filling the house. The same house the attack had happened in.  
  
She looked up a the large photograph of the gang which had been taken about two years ago. Spike was included, she remembered that day well it had taken them forever to get Spike to agree to be on the photo. She had wanted him on it, he was part of the gang.  
  
It had taken years for him to be trusted by the other and for some part by herself. He was probably her best friend. Willow was great but something with Spike had clicked, always there to tell it like it is. But now this.  
  
The progress they had all made with Spike had been for nothing, he had betrayed them all. Yet Buffy felt the urge to forgive.  
  
She pushed that idea right out of her mind, forgive him for trying to rape her. No. Tomorrow when he came round he'd find his things on the street.  
  
TBC............... 


	12. In The Eyes

CHAPTER TWELVE  
  
Spike was alone in his crypt, the past few weeks with Buffy had made him realize how cold and depressing his crypt actually was.  
  
He wanted to be with her now, helping her with whatever it was that was on her mind, instead he was sat drinking whiskey from the bottle watching taped episodes of Passions.  
  
"At least she's not mad at me." He said to himself as he flicked the TV off. They'd come along way and they were so happy. Both of them could give in to love and enjoy it. He had loved Dru but could never let go because he always had care for her.  
  
Now at last he was loving an equal.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She had stopped crying, she had got past the stage where she was filled with emotions. Now Buffy was sat on the sofa with a tub of ice cream, essential for any relationship turmoil. Still one question played on her mind.  
  
"Does Spike know?"  
  
She was pretty sure that he didn't, the way he was he wouldn't have let himself into her life if he knew. No matter what he did love her and he would never let anything hurt her, even if that meant he had to leave.  
  
Buffy remembered the look on his face when she'd thrown him off, the look of the man not the demon. He was disgusted with himself, she knew that.  
  
Her feelings started to soften, in all the years they'd been friends he had never hurt her, all he ever did was save her.  
  
Buffy thought she should try and get some sleep, rest would do her good. As she went to go upstairs she remember the gifts Spike had brought her, now they lay disguarded on the dining table. A small red velvet box caught her eye.  
  
Appraoching it with care, like it was something dangerous Buffy picked the box up. Opening the lid she saw a beautiful silver locket. On the underside was an inscription, 'For the woman I love. I am a man in your eyes and you are amazing in mine.'  
  
A tear rolled down her cheek. The beautiful words filled her mind, that was Spike, what she'd seen was not him. Much as it hurt she had to push that aside and try to forget. She didn't know if she could, but when she next saw him she'd know.  
  
For now she wanted to sleep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike ran from his car into the Summers house, covered by the blanket that kept him safe from the sun. He hoped that Buffy was in a better mood this morning, he loved her and he could protect her from vamps and demon. But a crying woman, he never had been too good with them. It was alright until a cuddle wasn't enough and they wanted to talk.  
  
The door banged and Buffy knew that he was there, she grabbed her robe. Now was not the time to let him into her bedroom. Or anywhere near the bathroom for that matter.  
  
"Buffy you here love?" He shouted noticing that at eleven o'clock she still wasn't up.  
  
"Yeah I'm coming." She said as she desended the stairs.  
  
He thought how beautiful she looked, unwashed no make up but still the sexiest thing he'd ever seen.  
  
Now Buffy and Spike were standing face to face, she was searching his eyes for clues. Nothing.  
  
All she saw was the deepest love the world had ever known, she had her answer. It would be hard but she knew that she could never tell him, he'd hated himself, he'd want to leave.  
  
He wrapped his arms round her waist, at first it felt strange to her, letting him touch her, but she couldn't think of that.  
  
"You want to tell me what happened last night pet?"  
  
She didn't want to lie to him, but she had to, "Had a flashback." She muttered while staggering into the kitchen for coffee, hoping he would leave it at that so she wouldn't have to lie.  
  
"God sweetheart you ok? What was is of?"  
  
"Just when I found my mom. But I'm fine honest. Look one happy Slayer." She broke out into a huge smile and Spike knew things were fine.  
  
"Good because I wouldn't want to take advantage of you in an upset state, now I can just take advantage of you in a happy state." He smirked as he started to kiss down her neck, yes he was feeling very naughty.  
  
"Spike." She squeeled.  
  
Things would be fine. Well unless anyone else remembered.  
  
TBC.......... 


	13. Blood & Pancakes

Blood & Pancakes  
  
CHAPTER THIRTEEN  
  
Things had been ok the last few days, Spike had barely gone back to his crypt at all and Buffy was happy to have him around. She did find herself looking at funny sometimes, wondering.  
  
To be honest she didn't want to know, she didn't know when it had happened or what had set it off. She didn't want to.  
  
Her eyelids fluttered open and she groaned when she realized that she had to get up. A lovely smell surrounded her when she flung her bedroom door open, she smiled.  
  
As she suspected she found Spike in the kitchen making her pancakes, he was a wonderful boyfriend. There was no way she was going to let one night of doubt spoil what they had.  
  
"Umm yummy." Buffy smiled at him as she shoved a pancake into her mouth. 'Still beautiful' he thought.  
  
"I'm glad you like it pet, thought you could do with a treat."  
  
"What's with you and all the treats?" She asked still intrested about the money Spike was throwing about lately.  
  
He knew what she was getting at and he ignored her. There was no way he was planning on telling her any time soon. He'd kept it a secrete for over a hundred years, yet only a month ago Dawn had broken him, well Buffy would not find out.  
  
The thought of her knowing sent a shiver down his spine, he could see her reaction already.  
  
"So then what ya gonna do today honey? Apart from Passions at one." Buffy asked mouth full, Spike smiled at Buffy's use of honey and her cute lack of manners.  
  
"Well yes there is Passions. But I thought I might do some laundry, don't mind do you?"  
  
"Mind? As if! You can do all the house work if you want." Buffy grinned thinking of Spike running round in nothing but an apron, yummier than pancakes.  
  
Spike laughed at her staring into space, he loved the look she got on her face half concentration half confusion. It was funny because she looked kind of dim. He thought he better get his own breakfast now that he'd satisfied his woman.  
  
"Shit." Spike cursed at the fridge as if it were alive.  
  
"Huh what?" Buffy snapped out of the trance of naked Spike she'd fallen into.  
  
"There's no blood here. What I've got left is at my crypt." He explained with a pleading look in his eyes.  
  
"Guess I should go get it for you." Buffy said.  
  
"Oh would you love. Thanks."  
  
"No." She giggled, she loved annoying him in the mornings.  
  
"Please." Spike pouted.  
  
Just like he could not say no to her puppy dog eyes she could not say not resist that sexy pout, "Ok."  
  
She kissed him and made off for his crypt.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was sunny and warm outside, sometimes it made Buffy sad to think that her and Spike would never get to spend a day in the sun. It was times like that she wished she had the gem of Amera.  
  
She pushed against the stone door of his crypt and thought how funny it was that no one had never questioned the woman who spent time in a crypt.  
  
Inside was looking pretty bad now, Spike had not been there in a while and even then it was just to pick stuff up. Walking over to the little fridge she noticed a letter on the top of his table.  
  
Buffy knew it was wrong, the letter was addressed to Mr W Evans not Ms B Summers but she couldn't help herself. Telling herself that her and Spike didn't have secretes so he wouldn't mind she tore open the envolpe.  
  
Groping the information with her eyes she tried to concentrate on what the letter was telling her. Why would he keep this from her, this must be a mistake. Then her eyes fell to the bottem of the page.  
  
"Holy Shit."  
  
TBC....... 


	14. Post Modern

|Post Modern | | | |CHAPTER FORETEEN | | | |Buffy ran all the way home, her heart pounding in her chest in | |time with the soles of her feet pounded the pavement. She had | |only one goal in mind asking Spike what they hell was going on. | | | |She knew by know that the vampire only kept things from her that | |she'd disapprove of, so this must be really bad. | | | |Reaching her home she burst through the back door slightly out of| |breath to see Spike sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee| |with Dawn. It hit her then that Dawn must know about this, always| |partners in crime. | | | |"I think you've got some explaining to do." she spat as she | |slammed the opened letter down on the work top. Spike eyed the | |letter and started to look flustered. | | | |"I see that your trust for me has developed so far that you've | |taken to reading my mail pet." He was angry now and Dawn could | |see it. She'd been on the wrong end of his anger before when she | |was a kid, now was the time to leave. | | | |"Hey guys I'm gonna take off, bye." Dawn said reaching for her | |bag. | | | |Buffy's eyes glared at her, "No I don't think so, you wait in the| |lounge." Dawn did as she was asked. | | | |Turning back to Spike Buffy asked, "So you wanna tell me what's | |going on or am I going to beat it out of you." | | | |She knew this probably wasn't the best approach but she was | |angry, desperate to know what scam he'd pulled this time. Spike | |just shook his head and turned away from her. | | | |"Ok I'll make it easier for you, why do you have $300000 in your | |bank account?" She asked holding up the statement as proof. | | | |"God your a noisey little bint." | | | |"Don't give me that Spike. I want to know or you can leave." | | | |With that Spike grabbed his blanket and headed out of the door, | |there was no way he was telling her. Plus she was the one in the | |wrong, opening his mail. So he left. | | | |~~~~~~~~~~ | | | |Dawn heard every word, she knew what it was about but she also | |knew why Spike wouldn't just answer Buffy. Stupid male ego trip. | | | | | |She had managed to get it out of Spike, but it had nearly killed | |him telling her never mind Buffy. And the thought of Xander | |finding out well that had really done it. | | | |Dawn walked into the kitchen, there she found her sister crying. | |It was wonderful how happy they made each other but when things | |were bad they were really bad. She had to explain to Buffy, | |otherwise they would both be too stubborn to sort it out. From | |her bag she pulled out a hard back book and layed it infront of | |Buffy. | | | |Buffy glanced down at the book, poetry, just what she needed now,| |"Dawn what the hell?" | | | |Dawn had half expected the penny to drop striaght away but by the| |look on Buffy's face she knew it hadn't. | | | |"A friend wrote this. There's a deadication and everything." Dawn| |supplied. | | | |Buffy flipped the book open looking for the deadication that for | |some reason Dawn thought would make everything ok, she found it. | | | | | |Her eyes widened as she read it a loud. | | | |"For my Buffy who I hope with never read this. | |I was a bad man before I met you and a bad poet | |to boot. But I love you." | | | |Dawn smiled, "That was his first book I think he said it was | |published four years ago, he has more out now." | | | |Buffy just stared at the book, this was some sort of trick. Spike| |had told her himself that his poetry was awful so why would he | |have a book. | | | |As if reading her thoughts Dawn added, "Seems back in the day his| |poems were bad, but now people think they're post modern. He's | |totally famous." | | | |"Still doesn't explain this though Dawnie." She slammed the bank | |statement into her sisters hands. Dawn just laughed at her. | | | |"Well duh, he's totally famous and that made him totally rich. | |Has been for a while but didn't know what to do with it." | | | |Buffy smiled, this was way out there. Some how though she knew it| |was true, Spike was wierd this was so him when she thought about.| |She decided best not to go after him right away, best to let him | |cool down first. | | | |~~~~~~~~~~ | | | |Spike was mad, but he was more mad at himself than anything. | |After spending the afternoon in his crypt he had decided to go | |back and tell Buffy he'd won the lottery, she wouldn't buy it but| |it was better than the truth. | | | |As soon as the sun had set he made his way back to Buffy's. When | |he got there he found her sat on the back porch reading out load.| |He listened to the words and soon realized he recognized them. | |The anger built up inside him again, the demon wanting to push | |it's self out. | | | |"Oh. Bloody. Hell. Dawn." | | | |TBC......... | 


	15. Mr & Mrs Normal

Mr and Mrs Normal  
  
CHAPTER FIFETEEN  
  
"Bloody. Hell. Dawn."  
  
Buffy jumped when she heard the English accent she had come to know so well, but she was glad he'd come home. Well not home.  
  
"Hey you." She said hoping to avoid an argument.  
  
"What the soddin' hell are you reading that load of crap for?" He asked feeling rather shy.  
  
"It's not crap, I like it. And you know you should have told me."  
  
"Why so you could laugh at me, mock me, reject me just like Cicely." He felt like crying, he felt like such a poof.  
  
"No because it would have made me happy, and we don't keep secretes Spike." Her voice was both stern and playful at the same time. He looked into her big hazel eyes and knew that his anger at the sisters was fading.  
  
He sat beside her, like he had done all those years ago when he'd come to kill her and found out about her mom. This time it was Buffy who put her arm around him, "You know I love you." She whispered.  
  
He nodded his head, he didn't want to speak in fear of crying like a bloody woman. This woman beside him was the most amazing thing he had ever seen in his life, but she was not immortal so he shouldn't spend time arguing.  
  
"I know pet and I love you too. Just didn't want you think old Spike here had become all brooding and reflective in his old age."  
  
"No you don't brood, you don't wear nearly enough mousse for that." She giggled knowing that the Angel mocking would give him a smile.  
  
It did, a big beautiful honest real smile. The kind that made Buffy just want to cuddle him in her arms forever. This was it for then, the struggle past they were going to be happy.  
  
"Come on you, time for some hot chocolate I think."  
  
They went inside and Spike's head was filled with images of eating little marshmallows off of Buffy's little body. He grinned.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next morning both Buffy and Spike didn't want to get out of bed, but they had to. Dawn and Jordan really needed some alone time so Buffy had offered to mind William. Spike was so excited, little William had been lavished with the attention of the blonde vampire.  
  
"Oh he's so cute." Spike cooed to the baby.  
  
"Yeah, I think he must get that off me." Buffy answered putting down all the baby things Dawn had supplied.  
  
Spike started waving a rattle at William, his heart leapt when he saw the baby smile up at him.  
  
"Buffy did you see that, he smiled at me." Spike shouted rather over excitedly.  
  
"Oh that'll be the pity smile." she quipped.  
  
"Hey you." Spike said pulling on to his lap in front of the baby carrier, "He likes me."  
  
"Yeah probably thinks you're his dinner, what with you lacking a tan." She smiled at him, amazed at how much he loved her nephew already.  
  
"No it's because I'm cool." Spike stated, knowing that the little boy couldn't disagree.  
  
Buffy lifted herself of the floor and headed for the kitchen to make Will some milk, apparently he ate every two hours. It was strange to have someone in the house who could out do Spike in the eating department.  
  
She looked at Spike, seeing him with William just made the love they shared all the more real. Spike could love and care and protect, it made him the perfect boyfriend, as well as the fact he was hotter than hell.  
  
"Oh that see would see the man,  
  
I hope that she will notice me.  
  
I know that only she can,  
  
I dream who ever let it be." Buffy forced the words out between her laughter.  
  
"I told you pet I don't want to hear it." Spike growled.  
  
"Tough, I'm the Slayer and if I want to read the poems of a 'nancy boy' then I can."  
  
Spike rushed at her, grabbed her arms and kissed her to halt her squeals.  
  
They were happy in this house, a house tat they shared even though Buffy had not asked Spike to move in yet he practically lived there. All his stuff was there, they were together in every way.  
  
Almost Mr and Mrs Normal.  
  
TBC........ 


	16. When That Day Comes

When That Day Comes  
  
CHAPTER SIXTEEN  
  
Buffy got home from a hard double shift at work, she didn't feel like going in but she knew that if she said anything it would only give Spike more reason to moan. It'd been two months since she found out her boyfriend was a famous poet.  
  
Spike had insisted that she give up work now, he was right there was no need for her to do it but she wouldn't let her self lean on Spike like that. That hadn't stopped him though, everyday he started with the same old lecture about her already having a full time job and she should let him take of her.  
  
When she walked into the house she found Spike sprawled across that sofa fast asleep, he looked so innocent.  
  
"Spike." She whispered into his ear.  
  
He didn't move, he never did. So she started to plant kisses down his neck, he still didn't move. She pushed his hand to her breast and started to kiss him on the mouth, that moved him.  
  
Before she knew it she was on the floor with Spike on top of her, kissing her like he hadn't seen her for years.  
  
"Hi honey." She said between kisses.  
  
"Um hi." Was his answer, he was horny and nothing would stop him. Buffy pushed him up, sometimes she still got a bit freaked by him pushing down on her.  
  
"I'm making dinner, I only wanted to wake you."  
  
Spike cocked his head to the side, the naughty little glint in his eyes ever present.  
  
"I'll make you my dinner." He whispered in her ear as he spun her round.  
  
She smiled a weary smile at him, "I don't know where you get your energy. I'm a Slayer and I can't keep up."  
  
"But your so sexy honey, I just get so hard looking at you, thinking about...."  
  
Buffy cut him off with a kiss, he grabbed her and threw her up on to his hips. As they headed up the stairs for the bedroom Spike wondered if they'd make it this time.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike held Buffy in his arms, holding her close as if she were the most amazing thing in the world, and to him she was.  
  
He bent down and kissed her hair, she was sleeping. Even with her snoring he found her sexy.  
  
With her naked little body cuddled up to him he started to get hard again. He tried to not think about it, if he did he would only want to wake her up and then she'd be mad.  
  
The last time she'd been asleep and he'd got horny it had not ended well for him. He'd started to stroke the flesh just bellow her buttocks. It didn't take long for her to wake up and when she did she smacked him and damn hard. No best just not thi...  
  
"Fuck." Spike muttered, a pain shooting through his mind, he instantly thought of the chip maybe it was going mad of something.  
  
then the pain hit him again, and he saw Buffy in the bathroom.  
  
He saw her looking at him, mad at him, he saw him grab her, he saw him push her down, he knew what he wanted, he knew what he was planning, he saw her push him away, the look of hurt and disgust on her face.  
  
Spike's eyes shot open the physical pain was gone but emotional pain wracked through him. He remembered it, it all, he knew when it had happened. God what had he done to her.  
  
He shrugged her sleeping body off him and got out of bed. He opened the bedroom door and made his way downstairs. He knew what he had to do.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike picked up his duster and the keys to his car. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small blue box and placed it on top of the note he'd left for Buffy.  
  
He took one last glance up at the stairs and headed out of the house. He had blown it.  
  
No matter how many times he'd told her he would never to leave this was different. He always knew that the day would come.  
  
This was that day.  
  
TBC............ 


	17. Goodbye To You

Goodbye To You  
  
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN  
  
Buffy was woken by the sound of the door slamming, her first instinct was to wake Spike get him to go check it out. It was the she realized that Spike wasn't there, he never left without telling her. Panicking she grabbed her robe and headed to see what was going on.  
  
She felt that he was not in the house, or even outside having a smoke. Something bad was going on.  
  
Spike never left her, he knew the issues she had about waking up in bed alone what after Angel and Parker. He wouldn't do that to her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Her eyes found the letter on the table addressed to her in Spike's hand. She saw the box on the table.  
  
'Buffy,  
  
I love you, you need to know that before I tell you anything. I have no soul but I can feel love, please believe me. I never want you to think that what we shared wasn't real.  
  
Something happened after we split up six years ago, I did something to you that can never be forgiven. I tried to make you do something that you didn't want, I don't know why but I did. I hope you understand what I'm talking about because I can't bring myself to write it.  
  
I swear that I only just remember I don't know why I forgot. To painful I guess, same reason you forgot I guess. If I had known I would have never let myself worn my way back into your life.  
  
I am so sorry, yet again I am just a monster, you were right. You should have never let me into your home. But don't worry I won't be back, and if you see me feel free to stake me.  
  
I bought this ring for you, I had all these stupid dreams of being your husband. But I left you the ring, just because I don't want to be reminded.  
  
I am sorry.  
  
Spike'  
  
A tear rolled down her cheek, what if he had gone already. Why didn't he talk to her first? All these things filled her head as she grabbed her coat to go search for him. She hoped that he would still be around somewhere.  
  
She let the door bang behind her as she set off running down the street. She had to find him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike had made his way through a full bottle of whiskey already. After leaving Buffy's he had headed straight to a bar, wanting, no needing to get so drunk he couldn't remember his name.  
  
No one had tried to talk to him and that was a good thing, they would be dead within seconds.  
  
Soon he would leave, go to his crypt pick up his bike and drive off into the night. Good plan he thought. But what would make it even better would be if he could make sure Buffy never saw his sorry arse ever again.  
  
He would drive off a cliff, he would be so badly hurt that he'd he wouldn't realize that the sun was coming up.  
  
That way he could never hurt Buffy again.  
  
TBC........... 


	18. My Slayer

My Slayer  
  
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN  
  
The first place Buffy went was Spike's crypt, he wasn't there. Deep down she knew that he wouldn't be but at least she had the chance to check if his stuff was there, it was. She knew him too well, she knew that he'd be at a bar or buying booze.  
  
Her first stop had been Willy's but he wasn't there, again she knew he would be but she had to check. Unless he wanted to be found he wouldn't have gone there.  
  
That only left her with one place, a place she didn't really want to go. It would be full of Vampires and Demons and she so did not need a fight right now. If anything slowed her down she might miss him.  
  
So now she was heading in the bar, it was a bar Spike had taken her to after she got back from her little trip to heaven. Buffy had been so drunk that night that she was surprised she remembered how to get there. But her feet took her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Rounding the corner she felt him, she knew that he was about. Probably drunk and talking about staking or sunbathing.  
  
Spike was near his car now, he was too drunk to pick up that his Slayer was not far behind him. He wouldn't have cared if he had known, he couldn't face her. Looking into the same eyes that had crippled him that night in her bathroom would have been too much, he wouldn't need the sunlight.  
  
"Spike!" Buffy shouted as soon as she him.  
  
He ignored her. He heard her voice and at first he thought it was his mind punishing him.  
  
"Spike!" She shouted again.  
  
Know he knew that it wasn't his mind that she was there. He couldn't stop, he had to carry on, make this as right as it could be.  
  
He started his car.  
  
Buffy ran like she never had before. Now she was in front of his old DeSoto watching his panic as he slammed the breaks on. She noticed how he wouldn't look at her, but she knew that she wouldn't move until he did.  
  
After a few minutes he got out of the car and started to walk away from her, she hadn't planned this far, she didn't know how to stop him.  
  
"Spike! Please Stop!" She screamed.  
  
Still he remained silent, she felt like the world was crumbling around her. This was worse than any Hellmounth.  
  
"Spike I already knew. I remember a while ago." It was her last attempt to stop him leaving.  
  
It worked, he stopped dead in his tracks. He turned towards her, not quite looking at her.  
  
"I remembered not long after William was born I don't know why but I did. At first I was going to kill you. But then thought about how much I loved you and how much you'd hate yourself.."  
  
"That doesn't matter pet still happened." Spike was walking again. Buffy ran to be by his side as he walked. Hoping, pleading that this could be made right.  
  
"I knew that you didn't know. I knew that you loved me. We were fucked up then. It's in the past. Spike don't leave me." Her voice was breaking now.  
  
"No Buffy I'm leaving and if you have any respect for yourself you'll let me."  
  
"You promised you'd never leave me and now you don't care."  
  
"Evil, soulless monster hear. The Big Bad doesn't give a shit love."  
  
Buffy punched him, he stopped at looked right at her. "Crap. I know you love me. It'll hurt me more than anything you have ever done if you leave me now. I love you Spike. You see this?" Buffy held her hand showing off the ring Spike had left, "It's there because I love you and there's nothing I want more than for you to be my husband."  
  
He seemed to calm down, he wanted to believe this but how could she want him when he'd done that to her?  
  
"I can't believe I did that to you. To you Buffy, my Slayer. God I'm so sorry." He was crying now. Buffy pulled him into her arms, wanting to take all that pain away, like he had for her when she came back from heaven.  
  
"Spike listen to me. I've known for months. I don't care. I had to see past it, there was a reason we forgot and I'm glad we did or we might not have this." She pulled his face to look at her.  
  
"I just, how could I? I love you so much Buffy. Why would I do that?"  
  
"I don't know honey. I never want to talk about this again."  
  
He nodded his head, he wasn't sure he could do it, but looking at this woman in front of him he felt like he could do anything. He would try for her it was what she wanted, he had become a man for her he could always try.  
  
"Now you I think that you've had far to much to drink, so we're gonna go home and let you sleep it off, right?"  
  
"What ever you say pet."  
  
Buffy took his hand and gripped it tightly, it only just hit her how close she had come to him walking out of her life for good. But she had stopped it, things would work out ok.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
THANKSGIVING 2008  
  
"Um I think the cream ones."  
  
"Oh I don't know maybe for you, Willow and Tara but I was thinking the neon yellow for Anya." Buffy laughed throwing the magazine on to the coffee table.  
  
Spike walked into the lounge with glasses of wine, "What you doing honey?" He asked kissing her.  
  
"Just looking at bridesmaids dresses darlin, Dawn thinks you should wear a pink suit."  
  
Shooting a glare at Dawn and said, "Thanks Bit."  
  
"You're welcome." She smirked back at him.  
  
Spike headed back to the kitchen, Buffy would kick his arse if Thanksgiving dinner wasn't perfect. He took a moment to take in the scene, Dawn and Jordan were so happy, little William was the image of perfection and Buffy well she was always his Buffy.  
  
The End  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hope that you all enjoyed it, please feed back as I'd love to know what you all think.  
  
Also I know that the story didn't end up having a lot to do with the title of the summary I hope that wasn't the only reason you read it. I just had better ideas when I started writing. 


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